This is the continuation of a piece from over a year ago. I always wanted to finish it but didn’t know where to go with it, especially because of how personal the subject matter is. Read Part 1 here. I now proudly present Part 2 of In the Back of my Mind. This is going to be a wild ride…

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I coughed for the smoke. It stank. After all those years in that box it must have begun to rot. “Now look what you’ve done!” I shouted, but there wasn’t an answer. As the fog poured into my lungs I dropped to my knees, choking and unable to breathe. Tears came to my eyes as I fully collapsed onto the floor. I gripped my chest as a pain began to strike at my heart which pulsed hard and fast. A wave of nausea came over me and, unable to hold it in, I vomited upon the ground. How much more could I take before I passed out? How much more before I died?

“Hang in there! I’m right beside you!”

It was him. He’d found me in the darkness and was kneeling over me. He placed one hand on my back and grabbed my hand with the other.

“You’re going to be alright!” he shouted. “Come back to me!”

I tried to focus on the sound of his voice and squeezed his hand tightly in mine.

“Good. That’s good.” he said. “I’m right here.”

Slowly. Slowly. I was able to regain my breathing.

“In. Out. In. Out,” he said, wiping the tears from my eyes. “Can you sit up?”

I nodded and he lifted me up, supporting my back. I blinked and rubbed my eyes with my other hand.

“There he is,” he said, rubbing my back. “You’re alright. You’re alright.”

“Why?” I asked finally. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you asked me to,” he said.

“I think,” I started, still a bit breathless, “I said the opposite.”

“No,” he said. “You asked me to help you clean this place out, and that clearly needed to go. Look.” He stood up and stepped over to the box. With a bit of a windup, he kicked the now empty box with all his might, sending it flying across the room. “Yeah!” he exclaimed, looking back at me with a big smile on his face.

Seeing the box sent flying was admittedly cathartic, even if it was empty. Suddenly, something else caught my eye; there was another box behind that one that was emitting a faint glow from within. “What’s that?” I asked.

He turned to look where I was pointing. “Oh ho!” he said. “Has that box always glowed?”

“I’m not sure,” I admitted as I took his hand. He pulled me to my feet. “If it did, I never noticed.”

“In this darkness you can really see the light,” he said.

I nodded and we went to investigate. He motioned me to go ahead and I gripped the lid of the box, carefully removing it. In the bottom of the box was a large glowing orb of gold. We both just stared at it for a while.

He broke the silence, “Well, pick it up.”

I nodded and reached into the box, taking the orb in my hands. “It’s warm,” I said. As I took it out of the box the smoke was pushed back a bit by the light and he and I could see each other clearly. I held the orb close to me, hugging it, and felt the comforting warmth flow into my body.

He saw the smile on my face. “What does it feel like?” he asked.

I thought for a bit, trying to put words to it. “It feels like… Hope,” I said, finally.

“Hope?” he asked. “What’s it doing back here?”

“I… I don’t know,” I said, suddenly feeling very sad. “When I was a boy I had this feeling all the time, but as I got older it became harder and harder to sense.”

“I see,” he said. “We need to return this to the top of your mind.”

I nodded. We both turned around to head for the exit and saw on the ground a stain we’d missed without the light of Hope. “What is that?” I asked.

“It was under that box of insecurities,” he answered. “I guess there’s a part of that you’ll never be able to get out.”

“Well it’s better than having the whole box there,” I said.

“If you invite anyone else back here, you’ll have to tell them about it,” he warned.

“I know.”

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s go.”

I let him lead the way toward the exit while I carried Hope tightly close to my chest.

“I have to warn you,” he said. “This isn’t going to be a cakewalk.”

“What do you mean?”

“This smoke is going to alter your mind in ways you can’t imagine, and coalesce into dangers only you can overcome.”

“I understand,” I said. While I was carrying Hope, it felt like nothing could stop me.